We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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