the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
