I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
