Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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