There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Randomize
