I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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