butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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