i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
