look no pants
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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