Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
