4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
