I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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