Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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