the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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