Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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