so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
