Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
