You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
