you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
