there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
