i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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