this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
