the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
