We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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