I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.