I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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