I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.