This girl is more easily done than said...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
