they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i came on her dog
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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