She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
