I wish life had little blips of pornography
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i will never coherently bang her
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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