Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
