i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
