i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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