Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
