you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
