College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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