i jhust puked up my retainher.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
