So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I had to cum in my sink.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
