i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
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I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
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returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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