Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
