You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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