I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
