I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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