My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
