Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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