clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
