I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
