the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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