i was born a porn star she said
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
