Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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