just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
