I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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