Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
