I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You are a genius and a whore.
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