i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
