i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
