Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
