i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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