Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc

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(586): View more from Michigan

i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning

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(813): View more from Florida

I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?

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(631): View more from New York

i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..

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(770): View more from Georgia

A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?

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(607): View more from New York

I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that

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(765): View more from Indiana

Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire

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