The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
