Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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