Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
