he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
