he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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