respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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