I'm really into asian looking animals
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
