what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
