I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
