On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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