Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Randomize
