spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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