he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
