He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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