It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
