I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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