Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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