I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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