Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
