Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have fence marks all over my body
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize