the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize