Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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