I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
