I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
