That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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